Some old Poetry :)

I found my poetry binder earlier this week when our friend Meredith was over and thought about how much I like some of them. So, I thought I would post some on here, for you to read. :)

These are from when I was going through somewhat of a depressing stage... as you might notice. haha.

November 2003
Emotions
All of the emotions deep inside of me
building up, filling up, growing silently.
Anger, sadness, depression and fear
walking, crawling, drawling near.
The tears are flowing down my face
then vanishing quickly without a trace.
I can't let them se my pain,
can't let them win again.
My hands are shaky, knees are weak,
I feel fragile, frail, and meek.
So i pick up and put on my mask
where no one knows; there's nothing to ask.
I wish that it could be easily said;
the thoughts, the problems, in my head.
I wish that I could sit and talk
with a friend or take a walk.
Just to be able to let it out
so they would know what it's all about.
But I know what they would say,
it's always the same in any which way,
so I let the emotions deep inside of me
build up, fill up, grow silently.

June 2006
Alone
I want to be alone- no longer amongst people;
to be away from the pain,
the disappointments,
the hurt.
I want to be alone- far away from here.
Just shut myself away from all that can hurt.
Hide away from those who made me cry.
If I could, I would run away to somewhere distant,
somewhere I can only dream of.
Somewhere that exists only in my mind.
Trust is a fairy tale parents tell their kids,
not something practiced in real lives.
Betrayal and hurt is reality,
something that happens everyday.
Even though I know it exists,
even though I already expect it,
it doesn't stop the tears from burning into my face.
It doesn't prevent my heart from shattering into a million pieces.
But it does make me question the next person;
to mistrust everyone.
I know it encourages me to feel bitter,
jaded,
angry;
to not feel the closeness of another person,
to hide my soul.
protect it.
For there is only a little left anyway.
A life like this-
secluded,
afraid;
I would rather death.
I would be alone anyway.

September 2006
I Would
I wish I could explain how I feel;
the words I want to say.
I want to cry deep, long rivers of tears.
Enough tears to flood the world
and wipe away everything.
It could all start over,
a new, clean slate.
I could be happy...
maybe.
I want to run forever;
run to the edges of the Earth-
perhaps drop off.
The problems would be far behind.
No more worrying,
no more hiding,
no more denying.
I could float in space,
carefree,
away from everything.
I want to sleep for days;
weeks, years maybe.
Slip into a deep coma.
I would dream a thousand dreams;
think a thousand thoughts.
Good thoughts.
Nothing like reality.
When I woke up, things would be different.
They would still love me,
still be here for me. they would miss me.
I want to just sit and talk.
Let them know how I feel.
Pour out all my feelings and be comforted;
be told, "Everything's going to be okay, trust me."
I would freeze time-
stay in that moment forever.
Stay in their presence,
in their arms,
in their love.
I would never want to leave.
I would want to die there,
being safely guarded from all else,
being held in the sweet arms of an Angel.
I want that special feeling.
Again...
still...
but I won't.
I've had my chances,
had my care and trust.
It's over.
I can't trust anymore.
That's whay it's hard...
to explain how I feel
and the words I want to say.